I played live for the last 4 years ish (right when TOA came out) so keep that in mind when responding.

1) is there any place I can find a bestiary or item drop list so I know where I need to go to get items... or even what items exist?

2) are quests the best way to level or should I just grind on mobs?

3) are the epic items worth getting?

4) any major differences that I should be aware of? I know there will be some... I'd just rather learn the easy way.

1. camelot.allkhazam.com . nearly all items up to number 25000 should be in.
2. at the beginning, quests, then mobs, then rvr.
3. sometimes.
4. classic server, no toa stuff, no lotm stuff, nothing, just classic (plus extras (tinderboxes etc) no freelevel; respecs on 5(full) 20 and 40 (line).